A lover divorces his wife. How to understand that your lover will never get divorced? The lover will be more responsible for the divorce of his mistress

Love for a married man is always forbidden, sinful and condemned by society. But what to do if he is unhappy in his marriage and only certain obligations and feelings of responsibility and conscience bind him to his wife. He also wants to be with you, reciprocates feelings, but will never dare to leave his family. In this case, you should try your best to get your lover to leave his wife for you. Perhaps someone will say that it is mean and ugly to take a person away from the family. But what if there is still no happiness in that family? Is this your fault?

Do you need this man?

Cheating is always associated with a certain mystery. Lovers are forced to hide, hide, see each other in secret. These thrills make their feelings stronger and more passionate. No wonder they say that the forbidden fruit is sweet. Often, after lovers reunite, they realize that apart from this secret and passion, nothing connects them. Relationships become boring, the spice disappears. In addition, people understand that there really was no love. In most cases, the would-be lover, having been pushed around, returns to his wife.

Even if your beloved man is unhappy in his marriage, if there are no feelings between him and his wife for a long time, think about what the situation is like in reality? Perhaps he simply chose the position of the victim, it is so convenient for him, and you also feel sorry for him. There are men who attract women to themselves in this way. After all, all women by nature love to shelter, pity, understand and console someone. Therefore, before you take a man away from your family, think about whether he wants to leave? And the most important question: do you need it? Analyze why you agreed to the role of a mistress? It is unlikely that love broke out between you right away. Surely before this there was just an intimate relationship without feelings and obligations. And being a mistress certainly has its advantages.

Why is it good to be a mistress?

Being the mistress of a family man is not always a bad thing. Think for yourself:

you have no obligations to this man;
you are not burdened with everyday life;
you have constant sex;
there is male attention and romance in your life;
You can sometimes count on financial support (if not all the time).

Imagine a man leaves his wife for you. What awaits you? Very soon your relationship will be swallowed up by harsh everyday life. Romance and attention will disappear. In addition, do not forget that the man will constantly maintain contact with his ex-wife and children. And this is jealousy, suspicion, mistrust. And the most important point: recently he cheated on his wife with you. Where is the guarantee that he won’t cheat on you again? He is incapable of being faithful and you know this very well. This will gnaw and torment you. Although, there are women who accept all these facts and know how to create a wonderful family with their lover. We hope that you belong to this category of wise women.

For what reason is it necessary to take a man away from the family?

You need to understand that you cannot just take your lover away from your wife out of sport. As a result, your relationship will deteriorate, the man will return to his wife, and the feelings of all three participants in the love triangle will suffer. Therefore, you need to think about how to make a man leave the family only if you have serious reasons:

there is true love between you, tested by time and situations;
you are pregnant or already have a child from your lover;
you both are unhappy in your love life without each other.

If at least one reason applies to you, then take action.

Steps on how to make your lover leave your wife

You have been dating for more than one year, but your lover has not taken the first step towards resolving the situation. Believe me, he won't. There are many circumstances that prevent this, but most often the man is simply unsure, and does not want to change his established life. It is convenient for him to have a full house and a mistress as an outlet for the soul. For him to leave his wife for you, you need to take a lot of steps and spend a lot of time. But you're ready for anything, aren't you? So, how to take a man away from the family:

Become truly close to him. You must understand him and support him in everything. This is exactly what he lacks in his wife. But don't strive to be better than your wife or to become perfect. Stay earthy, but different. After all, this is exactly why he chose you.
During meetings, create the maximum feeling of comfort and coziness for the man. He needs to know that where you are is his home.
There is no need to get hung up on your lover. On the contrary, at a certain moment you can move away a little. Since a man has a sense of ownership, he will panic.
Don't take the first steps - don't call him, don't make dates, don't invite him. A man should do this. Let him constantly pursue you.
Don't discuss his wife, don't turn him against her. Even if a man constantly complains about his wife, he has the right to do so, since he lives with her. Just listen, silently, to all complaints and console. If you start discussing your wife, the man may not like it.
The most effective way is to set an ultimatum. Deny him sex, be prepared to quit. If a man loves you, he will leave his wife. If you find an excuse not to do this again, then it’s useless.

In general, as practice shows, if a man has not made a choice and has not decided in the first year of such a relationship, then there is no point in waiting. You can thus lose your whole life in the status of an eternal lover. First, you will wait until your lover gets on his feet financially, so as not to depend on his wife or her parents. Then he will ask you to wait until the children grow up. Then the wife will have some difficult period when she needs support, and there is no way to leave her. And this is how your whole life will go. Just understand that a man loses absolutely nothing in this case: he has a family, an established life, children, relatives. What will be left for you? Broken heart and cat. Alas, these are the sad realities of statistics.

If a lover leaves his wife

If you still achieve your goal, there is no need to relax. A lover's leaving his wife does not mean your victory. You need to prepare for many moments and have a lot of patience.

You have sacrificed a lot in order to create the image that attracted your lover. This image needs to be maintained. After all, this is what put you at an undoubted advantage over your mistress.
If your lover is older than you, be prepared for differences in daily routine, nutrition, habits and preferences. Now you will prepare him a special menu so that the ulcer does not worsen and give massages during radiculitis. By the way, this again comes to the question: are you ready to tolerate such a lover?
Be prepared for the fact that your lover will constantly communicate with his wife and children. They will still have mutual friends and some business. The ex-wife will call for any reason, be it a question about a study group for a child or preparations for graduation. Of course, the best option is to make friends with the children and establish neutrality towards the wife.

As you can see, it is difficult to take a lover away from the family, but it is even more difficult to keep him close. If you find yourself in this situation, think carefully and weigh all the pros and cons. Perhaps this is another episode in your life that you simply mistook for a serious feeling.

It probably won’t surprise anyone that now it is the woman who often achieves the man, and not vice versa. And now the goal has been achieved. And at this moment, a woman (former lover) may think about whether a man will deceive her by once doing this to his wife?

Unfortunately, there is no sociological data on how many men, having married mistresses, have new ones. Logic dictates that now the mistress, that is, the current wife, may be the “fool”.

Yesterday a mistress, today a wife

Although there are no statistics on how many men, having married mistresses, have new ones, the chance that your husband will deceive you, as he once deceived his first wife, is very high. So be on your guard. Remember that the number of second marriages ending in divorce is much higher compared to the number of divorces after a first marriage.

Although there are no statistics on how many men, having married mistresses, have new ones, the chance that your husband will deceive you, as he once deceived his first wife, is very high.

The wife found love and demands a divorce

I'll tell you my story, which is not over yet. I am 30 years old, married for 5 years, I have two wonderful children - a 5-year-old son and a 2-year-old daughter. We have work, we don’t complain about poverty, only the housing issue is in deep trouble, we live with my wife’s parents. Our family relationships have been in a deep crisis for the last couple of years: mutual misunderstanding, constant scandals, sex was less and less and more and more reminiscent of duties, even leading to assault (it’s very disgusting for me to remember these moments, fortunately this only happened a couple of times).

Karny Blog

Sexologists say that people are polygamous. It doesn't depend on their gender. Apparently, this is why betrayal is not a rare occurrence these days. Although a one-time “leaving to the left” and a permanent relationship with another partner are completely different phenomena. Statistics show that today 50 percent of Russian men have a girlfriend on the side.

The relationship usually lasts as long as the partners have an interest in each other, the relationship can be terminated by one of the partners.

Mistress demands divorce from wife

I believe that you should not force yourself if you and your wife have nothing more in common except the child. and a child for a wife is a good way to manipulate you. For some reason, the stereotype on the topic has become very firmly entrenched among the people. we live together for the sake of the children"

here you are. almost a psychologist,” just think, won’t the child notice what is happening in relation to adults, in this case, mom and dad? will notice and will suffer from it.

Mistress - second wife

Recently the site Koshechka.ru told you about what types of mistresses men see. However, we women sometimes see something completely different. This is the classification of mistresses offered by psychologist Svetlana Morozova.

Today we will look at one of the most common types: a mistress - a second wife. Naturally, like all other categories, this type has its own characteristics, which need to be discussed in more detail.

My mistress leaves me, but I fell in love and want to love her, what to do, I have a beloved, what to give

I once had a mistress and a wife. Two completely different women who followed me hand in hand through life for many years. Everything changed dramatically the moment my mistress left me.

The wife always tied her hair in a ponytail so that it would not get into the plates, eyes, or face of the child. Her home clothes were soft training pants and a wide T-shirt, because they were so convenient for cooking, cleaning the apartment and doing laundry.

Why do they leave lovers?

A woman’s high demands, her whims, as well as “wrong” behavior with others can cause a man to run away without looking back. If a lover demands to spend too much time with her, constantly forces her to buy expensive things and give gifts, and is capricious, even the most ardent admirer can quickly cool down. It is especially unpleasant when a woman shows her feelings in front of everyone and does a lot of stupid things when communicating with her lover’s friends.

Sergey Kalmov

So deal with her right now, before anything happens. Demand that you stop seducing your husband. If talking to her doesn’t help, feel free to meet your husband’s brother and talk to him. Let him take action against his wife, I suppose he doesn’t need horns or complications in his relationship with his brother

Photo by LightFieldStudios/ iStock/Getty Images Plus

A girl I know is dating a married man. He is good-looking, witty, charismatic and wealthy enough to satisfy a girl's basic needs. But, as you know, the main basic need of a person is not material at all. I want not only carnal love and sweet words, but something more tangible, besides promises to definitely spend the night from Thursday to Friday together. He lies to his wife about a business trip and arrives with a real leather suitcase on wheels to go on a business trip for the whole evening, night and even part of the morning to the girl’s address. All this time he walks around her apartment with a towel on his hips, like Apollo, well, definitely Apollo. Passing by a large mirror in the hallway, he stops and flexes his muscles, pleased with himself. Everything suits him. He likes the way he has cleverly organized his life.

Once upon a time this was enough for her. She lived only from Friday until the following Thursday evening. The rest of the time I waited, anticipated, prepared. I bought new underwear. Perfume with pheromones. I prepared a seven-course dinner. She thought that all her efforts would not go unnoticed and that a man would one day get down on one knee, or just over a cup of tea, tell her the great news: “Darling, now we will always be together, I’m divorced, marry me...”

In her fantasies, she had already come up with a lot of options for him for his solemn speech. And each time, plunging into dreams, these speeches were more and more refined and beautiful. There were no speeches in life. There was a lot of humor in life, good sex, about the same compliments and... nothing! As if that's how it should be! As soon as she even tried to hint that she would now ask the question: “What’s next?”, her beloved seemed to have a presentiment of this and cleverly used some kind of distracting maneuver. Suddenly he asked when she would pay the rent and if she needed help. Of course I need it, oh thank you, you are the best!

Everything was obvious, but not obvious.

Do you love me even a little? - she asked.

Of course, dear! Are words really needed for this? You are the coolest! I just adore you! - he said. - And you me?

Do you need words for this? - she said sarcastically. He laughed and kissed back.

What do you think he thinks of me? - she interrogated her best friend, who had seen them together more than once.

Honestly? - asked a friend. Then she squinted and shot straight into the heart: “He’s using you, living his second youth with you.” And he will never leave his family; everything suits him. Why change anything? Did he promise you anything?

Yes. We are planning to go to Bali together, I don’t know when yet.

Well, this is the maximum you can count on.

You don't see what I see! - the girl was very upset, offended by her friend and... went to a psychologist.

Photo by Wundervisuals/ E+/ Getty Images

The psychologist said that a mistress is a crutch for the relationship between husband and wife. That in fact he simply fulfills with her those deficits that his wife lacks, and thus he has no complaints against his wife, and everything is smooth and wonderful with them. And it turns out that she serves both him and his wife, and the safety of their marriage. That if it weren't for her, the marriage might have fallen apart. And so she is practically a sister of mercy, investing her energy and youth in someone else’s family, which only becomes stronger and more prosperous. Here's a new twist! The psychologist offered to figure out why the girl needs this, to support someone else’s family, where she got such a scenario from, what are the secondary benefits in her position as a secret mistress. But the comparison with a crutch was enough for the girl.

What a fool! - said the girl, leaving the psychologist after the session. I called a friend, just a friend, a former classmate and cried. And she began to complain to him about all the men, all the psychologists and all her girlfriends. A friend suggested meeting. He gave the girl a cappuccino, listened, listened, and then said:

You're just having an existential crisis.

Oh, thank you, I really feel better! - she said ironically. - It would be better if you said what men think about people as terrible as me. Who like married men and believe and hope that love will win. Well, this is really so naive of me, right?

According to statistics, in 95% of cases this is really very naive, said a friend. - But I don’t know what percentage your case is included in.

Here! - the girl was happy. - What if, suddenly our case is included in that very 5% when it is not naive. What if he gets divorced and we end up together?

Well... It seems to me that you should just talk to him frankly.

Eh... The girl sighed. She had already tried so many times just like this, carefully and frankly, and with him, and nothing worked. And fear scratched inside: what if he leaves after this. Suddenly the fairy tale will end. Maybe these are really just illusions. Or maybe it’s better to let it be as it is?

Yes, of course,” she said. - We need to talk to him. You are right. We’ll go to Bali with him and there I’ll choose the most suitable moment...

Our heroine never left for Bali. The man of her dreams fed her breakfast, saved her for the train, and one fine day dotted all the i’s.

I'm sorry dear, it was very good with you, but we can't meet anymore. My wife is already seven months pregnant and I have to devote all my time to my family. Sorry.

My friend has not been able to get over this difficult breakup for almost two years now. She tried to take revenge, sort things out, called her wife... But everything was in vain, the deceived woman in this story turned out to be her mistress.

One German family law lawyer has written another bestseller. Based on my very rich experience. She, as she should be, has divorced hundreds of families over her decades of practice. And revealed patterns. Among others, she gave one example in an interview. She noted that there is a certain “time window”, a certain period during which everything can be settled without war. This is if, after it was said “we are getting a divorce,” during the first eight weeks the partners manage to go to a lawyer and divide all the most important things: who will get what from the property, how the rights to the children will be divided.

Eight weeks!!!

Have you ever seen a live family who, within eight weeks of deciding to divorce, managed to share this peacefully?
Me not. This lawyer saw it and says that these are the same people who, after a divorce, are still able to be diplomatic friends and communicate peacefully. And who managed without a hellish war.

She describes it this way: When people decide to get divorced, they are in free fall. They fell out of their nest and flew like a stone to the ground at great speed. And when they reach the ground and land, they will be overwhelmed by all the pain from how they hurt themselves. And then there will only be licking of wounds, tears and resentment. And the only thing that can be done here is to open the parachutes. Until I reached the bottom. It’s supposedly 8 weeks from the moment of falling out to landing. And parachutes are basic things that it’s better not to quarrel about when your pain is already in full bloom...

And there is one more deadline!
If a person who has a family suddenly falls passionately in love on the side. And she promises her lover that that’s it, leaves her family and goes to him (her) for a new life. The deadline here is three months. If within three months a person told home that he was leaving, despite the presence of children, tragedy, etc., packed his suitcase and went to his new passion - OK, then this is serious, and there is a good chance that this is the case now and it will end. Divorce and new family.

If he (she) promises and promises for three months, gets ready but doesn’t do it - that’s it! If you = lover or mistress - forget it. It won't come to you. Not in three months, not in five, not in a year.

I don’t know how true this is; I don’t have such statistics. :-) But people claim it.
Naturally, on this occasion I want to ask, can someone refute this? Do you know cases when someone actually left their family and went to a new person, but did this not three months later, but later? How long?

How does it happen in life?

Situations for all couples develop differently, but the scenario is approximately the same. First, a man meets a woman who seems beautiful to him. He falls in love with her, is enchanted, builds a long-term relationship. Soon the wedding time comes and children are born. However, family life becomes not as bright as the relationship was.

Why is married life boring? Because spouses often have to solve everyday and life problems, which they focus more attention on than how to spend their vacation time, where to go on vacation, and how to entertain themselves. The husband and wife become more and more immersed in everyday life, forgetting to create their own happiness: to please themselves, to pamper each other, to glow with passion, etc.

Over the years, such a gray life becomes boring. Moreover, spouses often accumulate a whole list of claims against each other. They often tell their friends about how bad their life is. Instead of thinking about what is good about their other halves, they remember more and more about the shortcomings they find in them.

A man can put up with anything. However, when a beauty appears on the horizon, who beckons him, excites him, and again evokes feelings that he has not experienced since his bachelor life, the man loses his head. He understands that his family life has so absorbed him with its problems that he has forgotten about himself.

Rarely can a man resist the temptation to feel happy when there has been no joy in family life for a long time. A man sometimes goes to his mistress because no one in the family values him, worships him, loves him, respects him, or even listens to him. A man goes into a secret life because his mistress makes him a full-fledged, strong, intelligent person again. The man missed this so much.

Some representatives lament the fact that. Others have become accustomed to constant deception. This cannot go on for long. Soon, one of the three participants in the love triangle will definitely break the vicious circle:

A man may get tired of his mistress or his wife’s deception.
A wife can find out about the betrayal and divorce her husband or force him to break up with his mistress.
A mistress can break up with a man who only promises her happiness, but does not keep his word.

However, there is such a scenario when a man leaves his wife for his mistress. How do their relationships develop in such a situation?

Why does a man choose a mistress?

Here, perhaps, they want to know the answer of wives who are faced with the fact that their husbands have left for their mistresses. Why do men choose mistresses?

Men saw in them the kind of women with whom they would feel much better. Men should be careful here: they may be mistaken about the character traits of their mistresses. You need to live with women for many years and get into many situations to see what they really are like and what they are like. In the meantime, you just meet with them, when you and they are in a good mood, you see only a small part of the nature of your ladies.
Men were tired of family life and rather decided not to leave their wives, but simply to get a divorce. Would the wife agree to stay with the man if he divorced her? Unlikely. So the man leaves for his mistress, since she does not yet hold a grudge against him for the broken marriage.
Men really love their lovers. This happens rarely, but it does happen. If a man has found his beloved, then he can do anything just to stay with her.

Whether a man left something or went to something, it doesn’t matter. Now he was left with his mistress. How will their lives develop next?

How to live with your mistress?

Often men are disappointed in their choice. Some time after a broken marriage and leaving for his mistress, a man realizes that his relationship with his mistress is becoming more and more similar to his relationship with his wife. It turns out that the mistress is the same woman as his ex-wife, from whom he left.

Men should understand the difference between family life and periodic meetings. In each situation, people open up differently. Often a man exchanges his wife for another wife of the same kind, who was previously his mistress. Of course, you can encounter a happy scenario when you are not mistaken about your mistress and she turns out to be the woman who turns out to be better than your ex-wife. However, here you really need to understand people well and see them as they really are, and not when they are in a good mood.

After leaving the family, two scenarios are possible:

You will enjoy a free life without ringing yourself with new marriage ties. You already know that you are not cut out for family life, or you simply don’t want to get married yet. And this means that you will soon part with your mistress.
You love your lover and want to build a long-term relationship with her. Now you need to take into account all the mistakes you made in your relationship with your ex-wife, so as not to repeat them in your relationship with your mistress, so as not to break up with her soon.

How to build a relationship with your lover? Psychologists give the following advice:

Be patient. Now you will begin to get to know your lover from those sides that were previously inaccessible to you due to uselessness. Now you will recognize her shortcomings, characteristics and behavior in everyday life. The same will happen to her.
Meet her relatives and friends. You need to establish a common language with them.
Put up with the inconveniences that will arise in everyday life. It occurs in every family.
Agree on financial expenses. Now the mistress is no longer the friend who needs to be given gifts. She must understand this, because she has acquired the status that she desired - she has become a wife to whom gifts are given, but less often and cheaper. Also, other financial expenses need to be discussed, since now not only you will spend money on groceries, shopping, etc.
Build relationships with your children. Since you will still have to deal with your ex-wife, your behavior should be indifferent and calm. Do not arouse suspicion and doubt about you in your lover.
Improve your relationship with your lover's child. If your new woman has a child, then you will have to work hard to make friends with him.

Difficulties will arise. If you think that going to your mistress is the solution to all your problems, you are mistaken. Difficulties will arise, sometimes more than with your ex-wife, and of a different kind.

You should also understand the behavior of your mistress, who may be jealous of other women. She herself was once the same woman who was able to charm you, take you away from your family and make you “hers.” That is, you are, to some extent, not very committed to the principle of being faithful. And your lover understands this, which is why she is jealous of you. You need to come to terms with this and react normally to her sometimes inappropriate behavior. You yourself gave reason to think this way about yourself when you took a mistress and eventually left your family for her.

How does life with your mistress end up?

A man should not think that he will end up in a fairy tale if he leaves his wife and goes to his mistress. He will simply exchange one woman for another. The mistress will no longer be as charming and mysterious as she could have been while she was dating a man from time to time. Life with her may turn out to be the same as with your ex-wife. This is why many men do not leave their wives, because they understand that nothing in their lives will change.

However, if you left for your mistress, then remain true to your principles. Otherwise, you will destroy the relationship that you are building with your mistress. If you didn’t make any effort with your wife, then at least try not to make similar mistakes with your mistress.